Sameer rolled the window down and threw the last smoked-up blunt out. The warm smell of marijuana, trapped until now, dashed for freedom as the smoke rose through the air. Autumn had just about stepped into his country, and he was out doing what he always did during the autumn – long drives. A medium for him to escape his fast-paced life. A resting place for all his senses from the overstimulation from within the city. He usually started early, preferably before sunrise, stopping when the sun set. He would stop the car, book himself into the first hotel/motel he saw, spend the night there, and start the journey back home the following morning. Today, however, was different. He had taken a route that had no civilization in sight for miles. In the dark of the night, he was driving through the desert with cool wind blowing through his hair.
Sameer woke up about 3 hours ago to the persistent ringing of the doorbell at midnight. Tired & grouchy, he dragged himself to the door, barely avoiding the bedroom door and the sofa. Nobody was on the other side of the peephole, yet the doorbell rang continuously. With drawn eyebrows, he opened the door. The earsplitting sound that followed took him by surprise. “HAPPY BIRTHDAY!!!”.
Had it not been for Aman, he would have fallen to the ground.
“Happy birthday, bro.” Aman chuckled as he helped Sameer up to his feet.
Aman and Sowmya had decided to surprise Sameer, who had become a recluse since his breakup with Neha six months back. They brought their partners along to surprise Sameer at midnight and celebrate his birthday. Sameer was smiling for the first time in six months. He changed into something presentable as Sowmya ordered the food and opened the bottle of wine. Sameer had just about cut the cake when the doorbell rang. Assuming it to be the delivery boy, Sameer opened the door and was in for another surprise. This time it was Neha.
“Sameer, happy birthday.” With an unsure smile, apologetic eyes, & quivering hands, Neha brought forward the bouquet of yellow Dahlias she had bought for Sameer.
“What is this?” Sameer questioned her with indifference only an ex-lover could evince.
“A- A g-gift for you, Sameer.” Words seem to have been failing Neha.
“A gift? A gift? Do you think after all this time and what you have made me go through, you will bring a gift, and everything will be OK? And you chose my birthday to do all of this. For the first time, Neha, in the last six months, I had smiled, thanks to my friends here, and yet here you are to ensure that I do not even get that happiness. Please go away and take this gift with you. And never come back again.” He was breathing heavily by then, visibly trying to suppress his anger.
“S-Sameer, please liste…”
“Neha, please, go.”
“S-Same…..”
“Nehaaaaa, please GO AWAY.” He yelled so loud that everyone inside the house came outside running. “Please GO AWAY. I am done with you. DO NOT, and I repeat, DO NOT EVER COME BACK INTO MY LIFE.” Sameer felt a Tsunami of this strange and deadening feeling engulf his entire body. A tsunami reached every nook and corner within him and brought out the hidden sadness in his eyes. Except for the tears rolling down his cheeks, nothing else in him was capable of moving.
The Mercedes he was driving was moving at 150 kilometers per hour. A shimmering bright light brought him back to his senses. He wiped the tears off his face and tried to ascertain the source of this light in this deserted place. It came from a distance up ahead on the road. A light, this bright, that too in the middle of nowhere. Was he hallucinating? Was it the weed? Hallucination or not, the effects of weed and lack of sleep had definitely started to show. His head grew heavy, and his sight grew dim. He had to stop for the night. But where would he find a place to stay in this isolated desert? He decided to investigate the source of light. Maybe there might be something that could be of help if he was not hallucinating, that is.
‘HOTEL CALIPH HORNIA, read the board outside the parking lot. Relieved to see a hotel in this desolate place, Sameer decided to rest here for the night. He drove the car into the parking lot of that single storied building. Turning off the engine, he noticed a lady standing at the door. Resting her upper frame and head against the door, she smiled as if she knew that Sameer was coming. “Ding Dong” rang a bell somewhere, either in the desert or in Sameer’s mind. He looked one last time before he got out of the car. Despite the absence of moonlight, the hotel lit like a cricket stadium during a day and night match. It was as if somebody had marked this particular place in the middle of nowhere. God? Or the devil? Heaven or Hell?
The lady gestured for Sameer to follow her inside the hotel. It was as dark inside as it was bright outside. The outside light pierced through the glass gate, and lost the battle between light and darkness just before the reception counter. Sameer decided to wait at the entrance while the lady could turn on the lights. The lady went behind the counter, lit a candle, and showed Sameer the way into the hotel.
“The fuse of this phase of the hotel has melted. The in-house electrician is getting the repair done. Please come in. I will check you in for the night.” She invited Sameer inside from behind the reception counter. There was something off about this hotel. Sameer could not place a finger on it, but his instincts told him to turn around and go far away from this hotel. His feet, however, refused to listen and followed the lady inside. He heard voices at the cusp of where the darkness started and the light ended. He thought he heard them say, “Welcome to the HOTEL CALIPH HORNIA.”
“Welcome to the HOTEL CALIPH HORNIA, Sir. Do you want to check in just for one night?” It was the lady behind the reception counter. Before he could respond, there was light again. She wore a red tube top with blue denim and white sports shoes. She was slender and petite, like a model. Comforted that he could now see the room, he said, “Yes, I would like to stay here for just the night.”.
“Sure, sir, here are your room keys. It’s the first room to the left down that corridor.” She handed him the keys. “Sir, we have plenty of rooms at the hotel. Any time of year. If you want to change the room, you can find the space here. Please let me know.” The lady informed Sameer.
“Thank you.” He took the keys and started towards his room. Before he could open the door, he heard the voices again, down the corridor this time.
“Oh has she welcomed him to the hotel yet?” they said. “He has such a lovely face. Oh boy, this is such a lovely place. This one would be fun” The voices came from a distance, yet they seemed really close to him. The eerieness in their voices sent a chill down Sameer’s spine. Terrified, he scampered into his room and closed the door behind him. The voices stopped. “What was that?” He asked himself. “Maybe it’s the weed or my tiredness. I need to sleep.”
It was a small yet cozy room with a bed on the right side of the door. A lamp alongside a phone was placed on the side table. The wall opposite the entrance had a small TV placed right next to the bathroom door. The wall on the left had a large window overlooking the courtyard. There was no other furniture except a table right below the window and a large round rug in the center of the room.
He decided to have one last cigarette before sleeping and opened the window to light the cigarette. He noticed how beautiful the courtyard outside was. Adorned with Roses, Lilies, Dahlias, Sunflowers, and Carnations of every color imaginable, it was a feast to his otherwise tired eyes. As the smoke of the first drag hit his lungs, the relief from an otherwise terrible day sailed through his entire body. He closed his eyes to enjoy that moment of tranquility and bliss.
He opened his eyes, and out of sheer astonishment, the cigarette fell from his hands. A group of naked men and women were playing in the courtyard before him. One woman seemed to be the center of attention of the three women and four men around her. She had nothing but a shiny and big diamond necklace on. Surprisingly the first thought Sameer had was, “Is that De Beers or Is that Tiffany’s”? He rubbed his eyes to check if he had imagined things. When he opened them, there was no one on the ground. He swore he saw those women and their pretty male friends dancing in the courtyard.
He needed to sleep. No. He needed a drink. He picked up the phone and dialed the kitchen.
“Hello, it’s your captain speaking. How can the kitchen help you?” A booming voice greeted Sameer from the other side.
“ Do you have alcohol with you? Maybe some wine?” Sameer enquired
“Red wine or white wine, sir?” Captain from the kitchen further prodded.
“Red wine would do. You have DRC?”
“Sorry, Sir. We have stopped selling that wine since 1969.” Said the captain and disconnected the phone.
Angry that he did not get a chance to order something else, Sameer redialed the number, but it was busy. He tried for the next 5 minutes but could not get through. Tired of trying, he decided to sleep. As he lay down on the bed, he heard the voices again. They were still from a place far away. “She has welcomed him to the hotel.” they said. “He has such a lovely face. Oh boy, this is such a lovely place. This would be such a nice surprise for him. Boy, oh boy, we are living our lives at this hotel.” Sameer could not tolerate these voices anymore and decided to lie down instead and soon slept off.
He woke up to the sound of human voices around him. He was not in his room. He was not even lying down. He was on a bed for sure, but the bed was hanging upright about 3 feet from the ground. His hands and legs were tied in an eagle position. He could see the same men and women in the courtyard standing naked in front of him. About ten more men and women had joined them, along with the receptionist he had met earlier. None of them were wearing any clothes. Some of them were kissing each other while others were waiting for something to happen while looking at Sameer.
He was in a large room with mirrors on all sides, including the ceiling. There was no visible entry or exit point. There were rows of tables along the wall with scores of bottles of Pink Champagne on them. The floor was covered with white sheets on mattresses except where Sameer was hanging. Just below where Sameer was hanging was a big bathing tub. He also noticed that he was not wearing anything and had his mouth tied with silicone ball gags.
Sameer started shaking violently to free himself. Everybody in the room started laughing, watching him try.
The receptionist came forward and spoke.
“Sameer, you are in the master’s chambers. All the people you see here are part of the cult called the HOTEL CALIPH HORNIA. Once every year, we meet here and inculcate one hotel guest into our club. This year it is you. Don’t worry. All of us present here have gone through what you are going through right now, and look how happy they are now. Nobody is a prisoner in these chambers, yet everyone is a prisoner of their own device. We have gathered here not just to welcome you to the club but also for our feast. And today, our feast is you.”
With this, they all took out their steel knives from under the white sheets and started walking towards Sameer with their knives drawn over their heads. Sameer struggled violently to free himself, but the crowd had reached him by then, and they started stabbing him. The searing pain left him unconscious.
The next thing he remembers was running for the door to find the passage back. He was covered in blood and had wounds everywhere in his body. At the entrance to the hotel, a tall, muscular man with a heavy beard stopped him and said.
“Relax. Why are you running? You can check out any time you like. But can you really ever leave?”
“Never”
On a dark desert highway
Cool wind in my hair
Warm smell of colitas
Rising up through the air
Up ahead in the distance
I saw a shimmering light
My head grew heavy and my sight grew dim
I had to stop for the night
There she stood in the doorway
I heard the mission bell
And I was thinking to myself
“This could be Heaven or this could be Hell”
Then she lit up a candle
And she showed me the way
There were voices down the corridor
I thought I heard them say
Welcome to the Hotel California
Such a lovely place (such a lovely place)
Such a lovely face
Plenty of room at the Hotel California
Any time of year (any time of year)
You can find it here
Her mind is Tiffany-twisted
She got the Mercedes Benz
She got a lot of pretty, pretty boys
That she calls friends
How they dance in the courtyard
Sweet summer sweat
Some dance to remember
Some dance to forget
So I called up the Captain
“Please bring me my wine”
He said, ‘We haven’t had that spirit here
Since 1969″
And still those voices are calling from far away
Wake you up in the middle of the night
Just to hear them say
Welcome to the Hotel California
Such a lovely place (such a lovely place)
Such a lovely face
They livin’ it up at the Hotel California
What a nice surprise (what a nice surprise)
Bring your alibis
Mirrors on the ceiling
The pink champagne on ice
And she said, ‘We are all just prisoners here
Of our own device”
And in the master’s chambers
They gathered for the feast
They stab it with their steely knives
But they just can’t kill the beast
Last thing I remember, I was
Running for the door
I had to find the passage back
To the place I was before
“Relax, ” said the night man
“We are programmed to receive
You can check out any time you like
But you can never leave”
